Travel Log 12-1: 30 Days of Truth Day 3

Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
   
      For me the answer that has the most meaning would be that I need to forgive myself for being selfish, or what I see as selfish.
     I can say with complete integrety and depth of meaning that I have abandonment issues. MASSIVE abandonment issues. How this ties into this post you'll see in just a moment.
    My 2 older children were from a previous (extreemly failed, trust me) relationship and are not biologically my husband's. That relationship broke down shortly after my oldest had to have heart surgery at 9 months old and before my daughter was born but was on the way. The court battles for my oldest and, as then, unborn daughter began almost immediately. My ex's family was vindictive and controlling to an absurd degree. My entire family was dragged through the mud, police were unleashed upon our household almost weekly, in summary it was a nightmare. 
    The end result was that we would split custody 50/50. One week with me, one week with them. Now they live over 3 hours away and so I had absolutely no way to check on the kids and they refused to answer the phone when I called.  
   My son started going when he was just over a year, and my daughter when she was 3 months old. 
   As you can imagine this had my abandonment issues rearing their heads pretty quick. And I ran and hid. I stopped bonding with my children as closely as I could. I went to school. I socialized.
   Don't get me wrong, I was there. I loved them and held them. Took care of them when they were sick, but was I as close to them as I could have been? No. I kept that one careful step back because letting them go to their father broke me apart every time. Every time after I let them go I would be huddled in the corner crying for hours( I know there are thousands of moms who face the same thing all the time with a lot more grace and courage, but those are things I'm working on learning and had no grasp of 9 years ago).
    Now I'm trying to rebuild that bond that I let slip away years ago. They don't go to their father's as often anymore (for various reasons), and we're slowly but surely getting to where we should be.
   But the loss of that time will always be, to me, a supreme act of selfishness that I can never make up for but must learn how to forgive.
    

Travel Log 11-30: 30 Days of Truth, Day 2

Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.

     While this one is a little harder for me I have to say that the truest answer would be my  creativity. I love being able to make something, or transform it, or just generally think up silly stories for the kids. It is a large part of the joy in my life and a gift. My life has had a pretty fair amount of darkness in it, and I have spent my share of time hovering around the edges of despair, but being able to write, draw, and craft have pulled me back too many times to count.

Travel Log 11-29: Jumping on the Bandwagon

A lot of you out there are doing the 30 Days of Truth series, and after reading so many of your installments and how they have helped you I've decided to hop in.
So here's my first installment-
Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.

     This is a question that gets a lot of answers from me. I have a really hard time with self image and can't really say very much positive about myself without adding a disclaimer as to why it isn't so great after all. I can't remember a time when I wasn't like that and it drives my loved ones crazy. This is something I have been actively working on for some time, so some headway is being made, and blogging about my exploits here has definitely helped =).
      But now that I've rambled on I would have to say that something I can be ok with hating about myself would be my over worked sense of perfectionism. I have a driving need to make things "perfect"  but that doesn't really exist. Perfection is in the eye of the beholder and not universal. I will not be graded on my life or my creativity (that has become a bit of a mantra to me, lol). The more times I say it the better!

Travel Log 11-26-2: Something to Ponder

The Domestic Pagan made a post the other day about a pagan Thanksgiving that included a history on the day, which was neato, and a paragraph that really got me thinking. People find it distasteful to celebrate Thanksgiving because the first harvest it commemorates was then followed by years of heinous acts upon the Native Peoples of the Americas. That really struck a cord with me and made me think.
     To me that doesn't make sense or really even do what is intended, which is to admonish the disgraceful treatment of Native Americans in our nations history. In my opinion that harvest was not important because the pilgrims survived, but because they had worked together successfully with the Native Americans and they had survived together. It was a moment where the two forces that would be later diametrically opposed to each other had been at peace and in harmony. It was a moment to give thanks for working together. Can we really ignore that important thought just because it didn't work later? Is a protest against a political force that doesn't garner the action requested any less important or vital to the process?
    I don't think so. I think that any time people come together in the name of cooperation and sharing is important and should be marked and remembered no matter what happens later. Those moments are what peace and prosperity are built on, no matter how long it takes for them to fully appear. To me that will always be something to be thankful for.

Travel Log 11-26: The Day After

 Thanksgiving is over...thank all the gods available!
   This was the first time that I handled Thanksgiving. Admittedly it was just for our little family (all 6 of us), but it was the first time we actually did the whole huge meal thing. Prep lasted 2 days with me and my daughter (9) doing the baking on Wednesday and then me, her, and my hubby doing everything else yesterday. We had pumpkin bread, honey wheat rolls, sweet potato banana mash, mashed potatoes, apple honey glazed turkey breast, apple topped pork loin, pumpkin spice bars, triple chocolate cake with butterscotch whipped cream frosting, and gingerbread with maple whiskey cream sauce (thanks again Mrs. B for passing that link and idea on, it was sooooo good!).
      I can now admit that in my zeal to make the perfect holiday meal I may have gone a little overboard. We ate no where near this amount of food, and I fully anticipate eating left overs for the rest of the month at least, lol. It was an intense 2 days. It was the first time that me and my daughter spent that much time together in the kitchen and it was awesome, so this is now a tradition that we will keep up every other year (my 2 older kids split holidays with their dad and me). I never had that type of time with my mom, we were going out to eat every night from when I was 6. So this is completely new to me to have this kind of bonding time over an oven or a cook top. It's really nice and I hope that she likes it as much as me.
    The dinner was a success and we gathered around our table and told each other what we were thankful for over turkey, pork, and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (my 3 year old is VERY finicky and loud). It was great.
     The kitchen however looked like a very large and messy war had been waged and there were no survivors, but I figure that's pretty traditional too. I was extra thankful that my hubby rolled up his sleeves and helped me get it done so now my kitchen is almost back to normal.
     How was your day?

Travel Log 11-22: Oh What A Weekend It Has Been!

I have been busy busy busy this weekend. I got all the craft shopping done for Yule presents and got some of the stuff made. I even took pictures of the final products! So yay for me remembering visual aides!
     I do want to give a shout out to one of my favorite stores, Dragon Marsh, and if you happen to be anywhere near Riverside Ca and you haven't already, then check this place out. They have everything from herbs and essential oils (and staff on hand that knows all of their uses from medicinal to spiritual) to tools and even fabrics for robes or period clothing. The staff is awesome and perfectly willing to help and answer any questions you may have! So yeah, they rock, lol.
   But back to what has occupied me this weekend!
Oh and I finally got pics of the rolls that I made! the kids helped me this time so they were extra fun to make.

And here is one of the little tidbits going into the gift baskets that my friends and family will be getting for Yule this year-

These are my first foray into the world of soaps. Admittedly it was the melt and pour type, but for this craft that is the best. They are single use rose petal soaps all tied up in cute little bags! I used a yellow tint to make them butter yellow, and a tangerine-lychee sent to make them smell purty.
   And then with the left over soap I made these-

I got a mold and made a few of these pretty little bars to go with the petal soaps.
    And then I found these awesome little bottles and filled them with a sugar-lemon face scrub.
Here they are lined up and waiting to be finished off with some light olive oil for a moisturizing face scrub!

Aren't those bottles just adorable??? Aren't they??
   And then the crafting weekend wouldn't be complete without firing up the 'ol sewing machine and cranking out some seams. I made These adorable little reusable tea bags-

I still need to make a few more of these and I got a couple other patterns, but for $2 squares of fabric they look pretty good huh?
     I also got a bunch of herbs, which is where the great people at Dragon Marsh came in (they answered all my silly questions with a ton of patience and even steered me towards different options for some of the really rare herbs on my list), and am going to make some homemade herbal teas to go with the bags but I haven't gotten to those yet. And I plan on making those little jars prettied up (there will be ribbon, oh yes there will be ribbon!)
     So that was my weekend. Pretty fun and I got a lot done! Now I gotta start working on getting the baking done for Thanksgiving!*

    *I just noticed how many exclamation points I used in this post and I do apologize. They say excessive use of punctuation is a sign of a disturbed mind, so you guys should have expected it really...

Travel Log 11-18: Oh Sarcasm, What Would We Do Without You?

     There has been a lot of political craziness this year. A LOT. I mean, seriously what has been up with our country and all the protests, sensationalized stories, and just general nonsense? From a rousing round of who's the witch to a rather disturbing obsession with a 16 year old girl calling someone a name (cause yeah, that doesn't happen on a daily basis just about EVERYWHERE), to all the tea party nonsense (and trust me I'm pretty sure the bodies of those long ago heroes in war paint are on a constant rotation in their graves when they look at the majority of this group) it has been one ridiculous thing after another.
     But amongst it all has been a steady stream of people who have been standing up and saying it's ridiculous. Which to me is the most important part. From the Rally to Restore Sanity to this little tidbit that a group of clowns in Knoxville TN started the sarcastic and snarky have started to fight back in our own style.
    To me this is awesome because sarcasm is a language I mastered at a very young age. However the really sad part is that the majority of crazy people that are involved don't speak sarcasm which means a lot of the great messages and retorts being tossed out there are just not being received. So while I am amused as heck by all the great witty remarks finally being blazoned onto picket signs, they are unfortunately not going to work
      But here's to all the snarky warriors out there- may you eventually drown out the intolerant and closed minded, for here in America our national language is sarcasm!