Monday, September 30, 2013

Travel Log 9-30: Less then 24 hours to Octo ber!

I've been busy as a bee getting the kids costumes together for this upcoming month of fun!
     I think it's safe to say this is the favorite season/ month for many of us. So many crafts, so many projects! And sooooo much pumpkin!
     This year there is a fly in my autumn ointment. I've finally decided to deal with my weight issue and am on a pretty intense diet and exercise regime. Right when every treat I want to gobble until I puke comes out. So I've made it my personal mission to find or make recipes that will work with my diet and fill my pumpkin cravings.
     If any of them end up any good I'll post them here =).

Sunday, September 8, 2013

Travel Log 9-8 : Honesty

    I've mentioned a couple times now that there have been a lot of changes that have come around in my life in the past year. I haven't gone into any detail on those changes on purpose. I am not good at opening up when it comes to things that are going wrong, or are emotionally invested for me.
    Part of why I started writing this blog all those years ago was that I wanted to make a space where I could push my personal boundaries and become a more open person. Part of that is owning up to the things that I don't like talking about. I was doing better with that before I pulled a ghost on all of you. I was opening up and talking about the aftermath of my Mom's sudden death. That was something that in person I couldn't articulate in any way. I couldn't even really let myself grieve until a few months ago.
     So in the interest of forcing myself to be more open about things it's time to put the biggest change to happen over the past year. The end of a decade long emotionally, and sometimes physically abusive, relationship and a nasty separation and divorce.
     It's very hard for me to admit to myself, let alone others who I respect and admire, that I let myself be in that kind of relationship or be used in the ways that I have been. It makes me feel weak, and stupid, and small. But I'll continue to be those things if I don't accept what happened, that I allowed it to happen, and let it go so that it has no more power over me.
   So this is my confession to myself and the world in general. I've been weak, I've been stupid, and I've been used. I opened myself up and got taken advantage of in the ways that were guaranteed to hurt me the most. Now I'm working on being strong again.
    I have been supremely gifted by the Powers that Be and have friends that are supportive and understanding. I have been extremely lucky and had the Universe deposit someone who has been everything that I didn't know I needed into my life, almost as if it was just waiting for me to wake up and say 'this isn't me' and make changes to drop him in my lap.
     So things haven't been horrible. I've had a hard year, but it's had some absolutely wonderful changes along with the bad. All of this was hard to say, but I do feel some relief now that I've let it out. Time to add being more open and honest about my life to the list of meditation subjects, lol.

Monday, August 26, 2013

Travel Log 8-26: Monday Monday

         I always feel this song is appropriate on Monday mornings. Something about this day just seems to be cursed. Waking up on Monday mornings is like pulling myself out of a deep fog.
       But I digress.
       I have been attempting to restart my daily meditation. With the kids all in school (my youngest started kindergarten this year *tears*) I have a couple hours a day to myself. I've been splitting that between going to the gym to lose this stubborn fat that seems to have taken up permanent residence around my middle and art and meditation. The art has been progressing- here's my current work in progress-
But the meditation has been failing. Miserably. I can't seem to pull myself out of the now long enough to clear my mind and open it to possibilities. I'm going to try some meditation prompts and see if that helps.

     All in all though, the changes and transitions in my life are getting easier. I'm finding my way back into, not my old skin, but a new one that I think I like better. I think this Autumn is going to be one of the best I've ever had.

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Travel Log 8-24: The curse of the blank page

    I've been having some trouble figuring out what to post. I've been in non communication mode for long enough now that putting something out here is a daunting task. I guess I'll fill you guys in on some of the stuff that's been going on in my world.

     I've taken up crocheting and gotten pretty decent at it. Being naturally clumsy and a tad bit disorganized it's rather a shock that something that requires attention to small detail and rather a large amount of hand eye coordination has worked out so well for me. I'll be posting pictures of some of my in progress projects as I finish them.

   I've been doing a bit more with my artwork, and developing the skills and artwork up considerably. Here's a couple of pieces I've worked on recently.

    I've been keeping up my writing of sorts as well, getting into some role playing and actually having some fun with some table top games again. 

     All in all keeping myself busy, and feeding into my creativity where I can. I'm hoping to start bringing all the sides of my life back into balance so you'll be seeing a mish mosh on here but then, variety is the spice of life!

Friday, August 23, 2013

Travel Log 8-22: *Ahem*

     Hi Everyone!!

    It's been a while. Over a year. A lot has happened in what really amounts to such a short time. My personal and home life has been turned upside down and shaken around until it's almost unrecognizable. In general Life has decided it was time for me to make changes and enforced the point.
     I've been writing, drawing, and generally immersing myself into my geeky proclivities. My spiritual focus, however, has fallen to the wayside. Consider this my return to the fold. It's time to refocus and make my spirituality a focal point again.
     So I'll be updating here again with my thoughts, spiritual trials, and most likely dragging my geeky pursuits into it as well. And I'll stop just haunting all your blogs and start posting on them again. Some of you I've kept in touch with via Facebook, and I've not forgotten any of you, just gone silent while I've digested all that's happened in my life over the past year.
    But now I'm back! Just in time for Fall too!