Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Travel Log 3-23: What the Hades am I doing?

I have been pretty absent on here for a while, and mainly that's because I've been letting my hubby decide what activities we're going to do in our spare time (mainly at night, after all the kids go to bed) and it's almost always play World of Warcraft and it has left me so tired I haven't been able to think straight let alone write coherently (as I'm sure some of you have noticed with my recent posts).
     Now I like playing WoW, have played it from the beginning (all 6 years, lol), but I don't really like the majority of other people who play the game. They, in fact, piss me off pretty badly and generally put me in a bad mood.
    So for the past couple of months I have been spending the majority of my nights getting pissed off by random internet jerks that have an inflated sense of self importance because they have wasted even more of their life obtaining completely imaginary items and skills in a completely imaginary world. These hours have included ones that I should be sleeping, thus leaving me sleep dep'd for the next day..and thus the cycle goes. While this makes my hubby happy, it is making me miserable.
     Half a year ago I was cruising along. Crafting, working on my meditation, becoming more balanced and working out the groove of being a stay at home mom. Now I am a sleep deprived mess that is stressed out over purely fictional situations. This has to stop.
     What precipitated this revelation? Well last night the hubby and I had reached what he was sure was the culmination of what he had been working for the past few months. We're in a guild of friends that broke off of a group of friends and is slowly going nowhere (there are these group activities called raids that you do to get better gear and see more content) and he's been chomping at the bit to be able to do raids and climb up the WoW ladder so to speak. Well last night we went on a trial run with a new guild that he was stoked to join. I wasn't even sure I wanted to go to a new group, but I was willing to give it a shot for him. Let's just say it didn't go well. In fact it was a disaster, and according to the people that were judging us it was pretty much my fault because I suck.
      This interaction actually sent me to bed crying last night. Which was so ridiculous I want to slap myself. What the hell do I care about what some jerk that cares way too damn much about a game thinks of me? I wasn't even sure I wanted to join their group anyway. Rejection in any form hurts, but it was more that I was so mad that I could only let it out by crying. I'd given up the stuff I really wanted to do to play this stupid game night after night, and I wasn't any damn good at it. Months wasted so that some little prick could judge me and claim I was worthless. My husband doesn't get it. He gets that I was upset, but he thinks it's because we aren't going to join this group, he doesn't understand that I'm just seriously pissed off at myself and the loss of time.
    So it's time to stop. It's time to let him play the game if he wants but I'm going to go back to what makes me happy. I'm going to pick up my crafting again. I've conquered wheat and white bread. I can make my own jam and preserves. I am an accomplished adult who is damn good at a lot of stuff, not just some dumb little game.


  1. I can so relate. I had the same experience with WOW. I enjoyed it for a time, but couldn't invest myself in it to the point of craziness like a lot of the people (not all) that play. I think the furthest I ever got was like a level 40 character until I was bored shitless and gave it up for more productive activities. My husband still plays but I pretty much think it's a giant waste of time. I say, to each their own, if playing is enjoyable for him, let HIM do it. If it's not enjoyable for you, do something else. I want to make my own jam this summer too! I'll be looking forward to seeing about your experiments with it!

  2. I think one of the keys to a happy relationship is to retain our identities (and hobbies) while sharing the things our loved ones like. When we give up the things we love, our soul doesn't like and rebels. (By we, I mean me lol)

  3. What in Hades were you thinking?!? LOL It's sweet that you put aside your crafts to spend time with the hubby and you really did give it a good shot (if a little on the extreme side). But I'm glad that you came back to us (us as in crafts/talents and literally us). This also opens up an opportunity for you and hubby to explore new things to do together. I don't think he will ever understand why you are upset/hurt over WoW (boys are dense like that lol) b/c it still holds his interest but as long as he knows that it made you unhappy and doesn't push the issue I think you've got your self a keeper!!!

    OK enough of my psycho-babble! What projects are you working on?

  4. Thank you all for your understanding!
    Gumbo: Yeah, back in the day before the little ones my hubby and I were hardcore raiders, and it was a fun social thing, but it's time for it to be his hobby and I need to pick up the ones that I really like to do. We're just not the same people we were back then and I need to do what makes me happy now. Like making jam, lol. It's a lot of fun and I even made up a preserving calendar with space for notes if you want a copy just let me know and I'll email the file to you =).
    Magaly: Yeah that's something we really need to work on. The start of our relationship we had really similar hobbies and did all the same stuff, but if we're going to grow as people and not kill on another we need to get out of each others pockets.
    Ripples: Thanks for the welcome back, lol, and boys are very very dense. I think my first project back will be a crochet project. I've been trying to learn it for years and think it's time I sat down and did it!

  5. Brava!! I'm so proud of you for learning from this experience :) You have shared something so valuable for all of us- keeping your own identity and doing what YOU love is critical to happiness in and out of relationships. Thank you so much for sharing with us!

  6. Really enjoyed reading your post...I have 4 kids too and hubby does the same thing. ugg lol I got away from blogging a year ago but missed it so much, I am starting fresh. I'm following you and am grabbing your button. Thanks!!