Travel Log 8-24: The curse of the blank page

    I've been having some trouble figuring out what to post. I've been in non communication mode for long enough now that putting something out here is a daunting task. I guess I'll fill you guys in on some of the stuff that's been going on in my world.

     I've taken up crocheting and gotten pretty decent at it. Being naturally clumsy and a tad bit disorganized it's rather a shock that something that requires attention to small detail and rather a large amount of hand eye coordination has worked out so well for me. I'll be posting pictures of some of my in progress projects as I finish them.

   I've been doing a bit more with my artwork, and developing the skills and artwork up considerably. Here's a couple of pieces I've worked on recently.

    I've been keeping up my writing of sorts as well, getting into some role playing and actually having some fun with some table top games again. 

     All in all keeping myself busy, and feeding into my creativity where I can. I'm hoping to start bringing all the sides of my life back into balance so you'll be seeing a mish mosh on here but then, variety is the spice of life!

Travel Log 8-22: *Ahem*

     Hi Everyone!!

    It's been a while. Over a year. A lot has happened in what really amounts to such a short time. My personal and home life has been turned upside down and shaken around until it's almost unrecognizable. In general Life has decided it was time for me to make changes and enforced the point.
     I've been writing, drawing, and generally immersing myself into my geeky proclivities. My spiritual focus, however, has fallen to the wayside. Consider this my return to the fold. It's time to refocus and make my spirituality a focal point again.
     So I'll be updating here again with my thoughts, spiritual trials, and most likely dragging my geeky pursuits into it as well. And I'll stop just haunting all your blogs and start posting on them again. Some of you I've kept in touch with via Facebook, and I've not forgotten any of you, just gone silent while I've digested all that's happened in my life over the past year.
    But now I'm back! Just in time for Fall too!

Travel Log 3-13: The Black, The White, and The Grey

   While strolling through the Blog O'Sphere today I stumbled across a great post by Kallan over at The Secret Life of the American Working Witch. Check it out. It's about looking at your potential to be the truest self you can be, recognizing what you have to give up in order to be that person, and honoring the strength inside you to make that happen (that's what I got from it- go see what you get from it).
    This resonated with me. As you all know I've gone through a lot of changes in my little world over the past six months. These exterior changes dominoed into changes in my role within my family and the world in general. I'm not completely comfortable with all of these changes, and I'm not really sure that these changes make me the best me possible- or even the me I want to be. I had made such strides towards really owning who I was over the past couple of years and feeling that slipping away from me under the strain of becoming who my family needs me to be has been a slow torture. You would think that there would be some way to merge these two people- who I want to be and who I need to be- but I have yet to be able to find it. Past experience has taught me that being the best me I can be causes people who count on me to fall apart themselves and drag everyone into a horrible downward spiral.
    In order to keep peace for those who depend on me the me that I present has to not be the real, or even optimal, me. I know this, and in many ways I accept it as the role that I have to play for the next few years until my father passes, but that doesn't stop a part of me from grieving not only for my mother but also for the me that is being suffocated deep down where I have to bury it. This is the black that has infested my life.
    A little piece of white that is shining in is that in certain ways my writing is starting to take off. I am now not just a monthly contributor to PaganPages.net, but I have been accepted as a freelance (writing world code for paid) contributor to the Pagan Writers Community. This is a HUGE step for me and I had to swallow a bunch of my ridiculous self esteem problems to even apply (as with most mental block issues I know they are ridiculous but that doesn't stop them from interfering in my life if I'm not careful) and was completely stoked to be accepted. Especially since a lot of very well credentialed writers have also signed on.
   And then there is the grey. The current trend in politics has been really driving me nuts. The rehashing of what have been considered basic rights already fought for and achieved has really brought my blood to a boil. Then seeing how quick we all came together as a country to say how unacceptable the whole thing was made my heart swell with American pride. It heartened me to see so many people starting to engage with each other and the political process. Then I decided to try and do my part by helping with the organizational end of an event happening in my area. Let's just say that this is an experience I shall not soon forget for so many reasons- some of them good, some of them bad.

   Next week? Our first family trip to Las Vegas. Light a candle for me people- make it a BIG one.

Travel Log 3-6: Furry Peanuts

  Don't anyone keel over with shock but I am here to make a post. Everyone ok? No medical assistance needed? Good.

    This weekend I was treated to a moment that I will treasure forever and which showed me an aspect of one of my children that I was very proud to see. As a family we headed out to see the Lorax.
     I was especially excited about this. I absolutely loved The Lorax when I was growing up. When my husband said he had never seen it I gasped so loud that I almost passed out from lack of oxygen then proceeded to make him watch it. And sang the barbaloot song for about three hours and may possibly have scarred him for life. But I digress.
    We mosied off to the theater this weekend in a great mood. The kids were happy and looking forward to the jokes they had seen in the trailers they had seen, not to mention the candy and popcorn in their future (I may have been singing the babaloot song on the way but can neither confirm nor deny in case my hubby wants to use it against me later). It all went well and we were settled in our seats with our 3d glasses on (the kids had cute orange ones- yes I'm a geek. Don't judge me) and the movie had some good laughs going. Especially the humming fish. They were hilarious.
    Then the big production number with the Once-ler came. At first my littlest guy was dancing in front of his seat with the rock beat, but as the song went on and the tone of the scenes on screen changed to a stark contrast with the happy beat of the song he started cuddling me and saying "no, don't do that."
    Then came the moment when the last truffula tree gets chopped down. The production company did an awesome job with this scene. It is the only bit of color in the landscape and once it falls silence reigns as the Lorax looks at the Once-ler in sorrow. In our theater this silence was only broken by my little guy sobbing uncontrollably. My little three year old was sobbing as if his heart was breaking and asking me why he took the last one. As the Lorax pulled himself up by the seat of the pants and took himself off the squishie man took my face in his little hands and looked at me with tears streaking down his little face and told me "I'm going to listen. The Lorax won't leave me."
      I have a very special little guy an I hope he never changes. I am so proud of his empathy.

AAAnd I'm back

I am officially back in the blogging world!
   Thanks to my hubby and his yule gift of a new laptop I can now mesh blogging with my, now, ridiculously busy life.
   Since my mother passed last year the tribe here has been going through a lot of changes. All of us have now moved into my parents house and we're in the process of cleaning up our credit so we can buy the place within the next 8 months. That is huge for us, but it comes with some bitter mixed in with the sweet.
    See we don't really want to buy this house. We had looked forward to finding the perfect place for our family that was just ours, you know? Now we're buying a good house, that we know all the ups and downs of, and that will fit our family but it's just not deep down what we really wanted.
     And in a way we've inherited a couple kids. My father is 85 and clearing up the chaos that he leaves in his wake when he 'fixes'  things(actual things and metaphorical things) is quickly shooting to the top of my list of things that are going to land me a padded room. Then there's my sister.
     While chronologically she is 41 and my older sister by 10 years, due to brain damage sustained during seizures as a small child she is a perpetual pre-teen. I love her to death, and she is an absolute sweetheart. I always figured someday I would be taking care of her, I just didn't figure it would be while I had 2 pre-teens of my own and 2 small children as well.
      It doesn't help that my parents way of dealing with her has always been to distract her with shopping. I am sure you all can see the problems that just spring up with that.
      I also joined a gym and am trying to get myself in shape. So far I've been going pretty faithfully (until the holidays hit and I got a horrendous case of food poisoning that put me down for quite a while).
     Oh and I'm really chugging away on finishing my book.
     So yeah, busy bee here, lol.
     I'm hoping to be hopping around all of your blogs and catching up over the next couple of weeks!

Peeking around the corner

Hi all!
     Sorry I've been gone so long. I stuck my head in the sand and haven't really pulled it back out in a while. I should be back to normal (ha ha- yeah just remember that's a relative term) in the next few weeks so I'll be catching up with you guys and finally putting together pieces for here too. I missed you all.

Travel Log 8-16: The Abyss

"And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. "
Friedrich Nietzsche

      I think that we have all stared a bit too long into the abyss, and now it is looking back at us and organizing.
  If you are not familiar with the NAR (New Aposolitic Reformation- and I will not link to that filth on this page) go check out this awesome post by AmethJera at Broom With A View or check out just about anything on the Wild Hunt lately.
   It would appear ladies and gentlemen that we are at war and never even got to do anything to start it. And unfortunately this one isn't going to play out on online chat boards where we can all snark our way into scoring points. Apparently for once some of the crazies are taking the fight to our home ground so to speak. We, the spiritualist and witches, are going to be attacked on the spiritual level. They have even given us the dates that they will do this and what intent they are going to focus on! We are going to be faced with a full frontal assault of a cosmic nature targeted at ourselves, our government, and even at the gods and godesses that sustain our lands all at, according to some people that seem to be foaming at the mouth, the  behest of a god that has been able to inspire frenzied loyalty.
     There has been a lot of debate flying about as to how, or if, the pagan community should respond to this. Personally I can't imagine letting something like this go, and (this is only my opinion here) not responding in some way smacks of fear and hubris. I have found in my life that the universe helps those who help themselves. I have never gained anything from sitting back and hoping someone or something handles things for me. I will be doing what I can to help repel and counter these attacks that are going to be made on the spirit of my homeland as well as myself. I can see no other course of action that would be morally acceptable to me. There are a couple of sites helping to try and organize this. So far the best set up one is Hail Columbia. Go check them out and see what you can do to help. Even lighting a protective candle is something. If it helps imagine that you are a Who in Whoville and it's time for you to let out your Yap so that our message can get through-
WE ARE HERE!